Colin and Samir

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My Biggest Regret at 30

photo by  @mangostreetlab

Destination addiction.

There were many questions left unanswered when I packed all of my belongings into my 1998 Subaru and drove West. 

Would this be too far from home? 

Was this a realistic career path?

Would I know anyone or be able to make friends?

Could I afford it?

I was 23 and on my way to LA to work with Samir, a guy I'd met only once before.

The job was a 3 month internship with The Lacrosse Network, a company that I was pretty sure didn't even have an office. 

Uncertainty was always top of mind, and at one point during that Summer, I seriously considered leaving to go to grad school.

Ultimately I decided not to go, and to commit to building The Lacrosse Network with Samir and co-founder Julien.

Whatever that meant and wherever it would take me, I was in because of the potential I saw in our working relationship. 

Once that decision was made, I still had uncertainty, but I didn't let it get the best of me. 

For the next 3 years I put my head down, worked hard, and did a good job of being present. 

I lived each day without trying too hard to define the days that came after. 

But when the company sold and we found some success -- surprisingly, uncertainty started to creep back in. 

I was 25 and "successful", but not necessarily happy. 

I began to suffer from "destination addiction", a term I read about recently in a book that I linked below.

At the time, today was never good enough because it didn't match up with my idea of tomorrow. 

Every apartment wasn't nice enough -- so I moved. 

Every neighborhood wasn't conducive to the social life I wanted -- so I moved. 

Every project I worked on wasn't good enough, because it wasn't "big" enough. 

I felt like if I could just move to that neighborhood that was a little bit cooler, to that apartment that was a little bit nicer, everything would fall into place. 

But as long as the status quo continued -- I couldn't be truly happy. 

In reality, my location, my apartment, and my job were not what needed changing -- it was my mentality. 

There was opportunity to be had at every point and in every day that I was simply casting aside because of my attitude. 

Last week I turned 30 -- and while I don't regret much, I do wish I didn't let uncertainty get the best of me. 

My commitment for this next decade is to keep my destination addiction at bay and make an effort to live in the now, to keep my eyes open to the opportunity that today offers without assuming there's a better one tomorrow. 

You can check out the book that talks about "destination addiction" HERE. It has a cheesy title, but is truly a great read during times of uncertainty. 

Lastly, in our podcast released today I reflect on turning 30 and discuss two pivotal decisions that defined my 20's.

You can listen to the full podcast on iTunes or Spotify